Tonight was a beautiful night. The day was warm, sunny, idyllic. The night was cool enough to be comfortable, not cool enough to be uncomfortable driving home with the windows wide open.
I spent the evening with a few really good friends from home, amid lots and lots of well to do educated folks, medical and engineering-type people, and people who think like I do. I spent the evening with people who come from backgrounds like mine. It was dark out and the kids under the age of 4 were still safely running around the yard, swinging, and sliding. It was dark out and I felt no fear, no threat, not even the need to be aware as I walked down the street. The lawn we were on was thick, lush, and could have easily served as a perfect bed for the night. The houses on the street were all lit up, welcoming, and I'm willing to bet that many of them keep their backdoors open late into the night, if not all night.
Walking away from an incredible meal of hush puppies, coleslaw, banana pudding, peach cobbler and the best barbeque one could ever ask for (think entire pig roasted on a spit where the mesquite coals were made that morning on site) I veered a little bit as I tried to look up at the stars. "You know, I was just reading an article about white privilege this week. ...Just sayin'." The artist next to me, also there purely by association with one of the hosts, nodded. It's good to get the ideas out there. We both knew it was true. Neither of us had done a thing to deserve or even work for this. We were just there. Just sayin'.
And you know, I'm not sure I can make a judgment call. I just know it's there. It's been a long time since I've walked down the middle of a street at 10pm and felt completely and totally secure. Unless of course I was with a group of people.
I live in a neighborhood that would be considered unsafe. Neighbors told us to put a fence in our backyard so people wouldn't cut through the yard to get away from the police. I've lived in neighborhoods like that for years. And I don't feel unsafe at home... but I know what's going on around me. I feel safe because the neighbors know me. I know they'd take care of me, like they have so many times before. When the neighbors saw the guy who hit my car and helped the police find him. When the neighbors used their own chainsaws and cut the tree off my car. When the neighbors watch for the UPS man and hold my packages until I get home. When they threaten the person using our yard as a shortcut.
I feel safe because of my community.
And yet, I don't belong in this community inherently. I'm an outsider coming in with all these default privileges. Going to college was expected, so I did. Someone else is paying my health insurance. I can afford to take a volunteer job that I love so I can get more experience to have a real job that pays me to do what I love someday.
I fit in the crowd that was there tonight. Even though I don't make millions. I belong. Even though I don't dress in the latest, greatest brands. And I am cared for, because at least one family there tonight has taken me in as their own. I am so incredibly blessed.
It's funny... I want to work in Haiti, work in Africa, work in the city. But I think like a rich person. I was raised to think like white, upper-middle class America. Spending 2 months in Tanzania last summer was where I first started to realize who I was. And that's hard to change. Perhaps it can't be changed. Or maybe that's the wrong question. Maybe the question is, how can this be used? Where am I supposed to be? It's not an accident that I was born into this family, this neighborhood, and these associations.
I've got a crazy dream (that's totally a good idea!!) of finding the funding to go teach hospital technicians in Haiti. It wouldn't be an entire degree or certificate type program. We would only present the most essential skills, hands-on practical things. As my musician friend put it, "things we should all know so we can actually fix our own stuff." Exactly.
The reason I bring this up, is that if I had managed to get into the right conversations with the people tonight, I probably could have had the whole dream funded by the end of the week. Discouraging? Or maybe now I need to get serious about this crazy idea. I know it could work. (By the way Mamma, this is what I was talking about.... not the haircut) ;)
That's enough thoughts for tonight. I think more will come soon... just sayin'.
